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UK Government Announces New Energy Policies In Response To Striking School Kids

youth climate justice strikeAmidst Brexit chaos, the Prime Minister will today introduce a white paper to Parliament detailing the Government’s new energy strategy.

Stunned by criticism that she has failed to listen, the new policies will take full cognizance of the concerns recently raised by striking school children. The new policy has four main strands.

The Downing Street press release is below the fold.

[BEGINS] In view of the grave concerns raised by 5 to 17 year old children on the impact of CO2 on Earth’s climate, Her Majesty’s government will today introduce legislation that will address the most pressing issue of our times, namely CO2 emissions and the ensuing climate mayhem that they cause (Exhibit 1, Appendix 1).

CO2 has risen to record levels from 0.0280% (pre-industrial) to 0.0405% today (see endnote 1). The new energy policy has four main strands:

1. Adult only flights

As of 1 January 2020, juveniles below the age of 18 will no longer be allowed to fly on commercial flights within the UK and between the UK and foreign destinations.

A reciprocal arrangement will apply to incoming flights that will not be allowed to land on British soil if there are juveniles on board. The government appreciates this will have a major impact on family holidays and tourism.

But that is the policy goal. We can no longer [allow] families to fly all over the place simply for the sake of seeking some sunshine. Tourism is one of the most useless and resource wasteful activities known to Mankind.

What is the point in wrecking Earth’s climate to go and gaze at the Eiffel Tower or to go visit Euro Disney when an equally enjoyable time can be had at our homegrown attractions of the Blackpool Tower and Center Parcs (Figures 1 and 2)?

towers

Figure 1. Eiffel Tower left and Blackpool Tower right.  What is the point in taking kids to Paris when Blackpool is just as good!

parks

Figure 2. Center Parcs (right) every bit as good as EuroDisney (left).

The government appreciates this is going to have a catastrophic impact on the airline and airport industries. That is the whole point of the policy. We can longer countenance giving shelter to evil polluting companies on these islands.

The UK will press our allies throughout the OECD to follow suit. Given time this should also have a catastrophic impact on the airliner manufacturing sectors where we expect Rolls Royce (engines) and BAE systems (wings) to be hardest hit.

We point to the troubled Jaguar Landrover, caused by government policy, as a shining example of government aptitude at wrecking British industry.

st tropez vs rhyl

Figure 3. St Tropez left. And just around the corner from Blackpool in N Wales is the stunning beach at Rhyl offering magnificent views of the offshore wind farms.

2. An end to North Sea Ferries

The government is often accused of lacking foresight and we wish to stress that we are smart enough to recognize that selfish, polluting families may simply try to avoid the adult only flight policy by using car ferries instead.

The government sees no way of tackling this problem other than to close down all ferry services between the UK and mainland Europe, the Island of Ireland and all other destinations.

Car ferries traveling between Scottish Islands come under the jurisdiction of the Scottish Parliament.

The activity of transporting a two tonne SUV on board a ship running on filthy dirty bunker fuel needs to be consigned to history.

The idea of families boarding a ship to simply drive around Europe looking at stuff, while wrecking Earth’s climate, needs to be stopped.

The government is aware that these policies may seem to be anti-tourism. Nothing could be further from the truth. We remain committed to a robust, albeit crippled, tourist industry.

British children will simply need to learn how to enjoy beach holidays at home (Figure 3). And to prove this point, children will still be allowed to travel to Europe on all electric Eurostar trains.

And really rich families will even be allowed to take cars with them, so long as they are all-electric vehicles.

h/t Paul Homewood (and Happy April Fool’s Day)

Read rest at Energy Matters

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